Cut
by MoreHeartThanAche
Summary: Song-fic using Plumb's song Cut, a story about self-harm told by Soda.


_**Hey guys, I'm just posting this song-fic one-shot. The song is "Cut" by Plumb and it is one of the most beautiful songs ever. It helped me though a really tough spot in my life, so I turned it into a story. Enjoy :)**_

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><p><em><strong>I'm not a stranger<strong>_  
><em><strong>No I am yours<strong>_  
><em><strong>With crippled anger<strong>_  
><em><strong>And tears that still drip sore<strong>_

He couldn't deal with it. It was always on the edge of his mind. The guilt he felt. The guilt I feel. I couldn't believe Ponyboy could have killed himself. It came a shock for every member of the gang. Darry swore he was going to be okay. He handed in his theme and everything went back to normal. Or so we thought.

_**A fragile frame aged**_  
><em><strong>With misery<strong>_  
><em><strong>And when our eyes meet<strong>_  
><em><strong>I know you see<strong>_

I don't know when he started. I just found the razor read with blood. I thought Darry might have slipped with it, so I didn't bother with it. I never suspected a thing. Neither did Darry. Pony was basically himself. Except from him wearing dark long sleeved t-shirts. But it was winter, he did that every winter. He just acted like himself.

_**I do not want to be afraid**_  
><em><strong>I do not want to die inside just to breathe in<strong>_  
><em><strong>I'm tired of feeling so numb<strong>_  
><em><strong>Relief exists I find it when<strong>_  
><em><strong>I am cut<strong>_

The shock when Darry found Pony with knife. He swore he would stop, but it went on. Waking up in my bed not having Pony jump on me waking me up. It's not something I'm used to. My baby brother. Gone, just like that. How could he. Pony was so young, he had so much going for him. So why.

**_I may seem crazy_**  
><strong><em>Or painfully shy<em>**  
><strong><em>And these scars wouldn't be so hidden<em>**  
><strong><em>If you would just look me in the eye<em>**  
><strong><em>I feel alone here and cold here<em>**  
><strong><em>Though I don't want to die<em>**  
><strong><em>But the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside<em>**

If he hadn't felt so guilty. That spiral downwards. The fights. The tears. The pain. My brother had to put up with so much. So much death, so much loss. It wasn't fair on him, not fair on our family. How could he have ended his life in such a manner. The scars decorated his wrists, there were no open wounds. But on the inside he was dying. He told me so but I didn't notice. I never noticed when Pony's mood changed, when he needed me most. I wasn't there, when I should have been.

_**I do not want to be afraid**_  
><em><strong>I do not want to die inside just to breathe in<strong>_  
><em><strong>I'm tired of feeling so numb<strong>_  
><em><strong>Relief exists I find it when<strong>_  
><em><strong>I am cut<strong>_  
><em><strong>Pain<strong>_  
><em><strong>I am not alone<strong>_  
><em><strong>I am not alone<strong>_

Darry tells me not to blame myself. I don't but I can't help but think it was my fault. Not only mine but Darry's too. We worked so much, we were never around much, when Johnny was here, Pony was never alone. But with him gone, it was only Two-Bit, and he wasn't ever really around. No wonder he was lonely, alone.

_**I'm not a stranger**_  
><em><strong>No I am yours<strong>_  
><em><strong>With crippled anger<strong>_  
><em><strong>And tears that still drip sore<strong>_

I will never forget my brother. But I wish I would forget his cause of death. It wasn't right. It was never right. I loved him so much. My baby brother. Without him I feel as though a part of me has been cut away. Ponyboy, my brother.

_**But I do not want to be afraid**_  
><em><strong>I do not want to die inside just to breathe in<strong>_  
><em><strong>I'm tired of feeling so numb<strong>_  
><em><strong>Relief exists I found it when<strong>_  
><em><strong>I was cut<strong>_

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><p><em><strong>Yeah I know there are more lyrics than words but oh well. Please review okay :) <strong>_

_**~ Don't Suffer Alone. Self-Harm is no joke~ Self-Injury Awareness day. **_


End file.
